When Clients Say “I Don’t Trust Them”: A Practical Approach for Divorce Professionals
When a client says, “I don’t trust them anymore,” where do you go next? For divorce professionals, broken trust can make even practical conversations about the future feel impossible.
This is a common challenge.
I used to try to reassure - “Things will get better over time.” Or I would ask, “What would it take to rebuild trust?”.
Often this didn’t help.
Clients didn’t feel more hopeful from my reassurance, and felt utterly defeated thinking about re-building something they believed was irrevocably broken. I did some research on trust and discovered some key descriptors for the many elements of trust. Then I had something to work with!
Breaking Trust Down Into Workable Parts
In my Launch Pad client preparation tools, I included a reflection exercise called “Breaking Trust Down Into Workable Parts.” It’s part of a guided workbook you email to your client before meeting. They work through the questions privately, at their own pace, considering which aspects of trust remain and which they might hope to restore.
Incorporating 7 components of trust, clients are invited to consider (on their own time) which parts have broken down, and which parts they hope to restore.
It invites them to reflect on elements of trust like accountability, honesty, non-judgment and boundaries. What I have learned from my clients is that most of them will identify some (at least one!) component of trust they still have with their former partner.
Preparing Clients For A Deeper Conversation
They are invited to tick the box that says “got it”. And most are able to choose one or two components they would like to work on.
They are invited to tick the box that says “hope to restore”. Then trust doesn’t end up being this all or nothing thing.
Clients are able to be real about where they’re at and where they hope to get to. Because they do this exercise on their own, as part of a more comprehensive guided reflection, the pressure is off. They ponder rather than react.
In my experience, when they are in the mediation or collaboration room, this preparation helps clients arrive more open to discussing what is still possible, without feeling pushed to trust their former partner. The aim is not to persuade clients to restore trust but to help them identify what matters to them and what they feel able to work on.
They don’t feel pushed.
They are more open.
This way they can have discussions to help build a practical plan for restoring the aspects they choose to work on.
I have learned a lot - and have some regret for all the years I did not have an effective tool or approach to the broken trust conversations (arguments). I wish I had understood this earlier in my practice. Asking clients to “rebuild trust” can feel overwhelming. Helping them identify one aspect they want to work on gives us somewhere to begin.
Launch Pad helps you prepare clients for these conversations before they enter the room. When you sign up, you’ll be guided to choose the client, choose the appropriate workbook and email it to them.